it was like his penis was on wheels.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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