break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Randomize
