Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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