I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
