Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
