I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
