His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
