i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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