last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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