I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize