He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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