Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
