1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
