i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Your cock deserves a montage
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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