OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
