Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
