if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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