you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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