I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize