I hate your face
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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