I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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