I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Randomize
