Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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