True but thats because hes a fetus.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
