I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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