YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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