Dual....:-)
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
