I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
