i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize