No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
