I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
