Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
BRING THE BAGELS
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
