I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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