someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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