I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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