Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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