Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
