he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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