god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just gift wrapped bread.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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