I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
