At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
