Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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