Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
