he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
She's the barista slut.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
