i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
