She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
