I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
