Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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