i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
