I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize