I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
