JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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