we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
