You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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