I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
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