Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
