omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
