great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
