her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
