If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
