I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
please come you make the beer taste better
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
