She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
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