shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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