i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
