Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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