I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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