i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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